the elevator pitch

By all accounts, Bobby Jindal bombed while giving the Republican response to President Barack Obama’s speech before Congress on Tuesday.

There are public speaking gaffes and there are public speaking disasters. Bobby Jindal’s national debut on Tuesday has already been panned as a tragic error by a Republican leader being touted as a potential presidential candidate. Rather than detail the mistakes made by the popular Louisiana governor, we’re going to take a look at how he could have improved.

1. Tone – From the outset of his speech, Jindal appeared rehearsed. He was clearly uncomfortable with either the words or the setting and that discomfort led to a delivery that sounded pretentious and condescending. He didn’t write the speech and it’s likely he ceded too much control of his performance to aides or Republican decision makers. What Jindal should have done was work more of his own personality into the speech. When you get lampooned on the Daily Show for being Mister Rogers, you’ve hit the absolute wrong tone for the times.

2. Accuracy – Jindal’s account of his performance during Hurricane Katrina has been revealed as exaggerated. The shame is he’s accomplished so much worth noting, he didn’t need to stretch the truth. Barack Obama has people expecting straight talk and any politician hoping to succeed on the national stage can’t be found fudging their record.

3. Substance – Jindal could have picked any number of items in the stimulus bill or budget to ridicule, choosing spending on volcano monitoring to criticize was a huge blunder. He oversees the state still struggling with the greatest natural disaster in U.S. history. This choice was again one that a speechwriter likely made for Jindal and he needed to vet that decision.

4. Lack of consistency – At the outset of his speech Jindal praised Obama and ridiculed the GOP then he attempted to flip his stance on both counts. Tough to do and it didn’t work. He should have done what Obama so deftly does: Politely show respect for his opponent’s argument then tear it apart piece by piece. Jindal came across as unprepared for the next step and that’s yet another blow for the flailing Republicans.

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It’s time for the first annual stocking stuffers by the Elevator Pitch. Some of our recipients are getting gifts, others coal.

Barack Obama – A lifetime supply of Rothman’s Light. Sure, the Prez-elect says he’s trying to quit, but the smoking thing gives this guy a much-needed vice, proving he’s actually not Christ 2.0 or even a health nut, as his famous pose on the Hawaiian beach suggests.

Dick Cheney – A box (dick, box, get it). This one will have bars and metal. The outgoing veep is as responsible as anyone for the dire state of the planet and yet he refuses to do nothing but smack talk when American voters have made it clear they’re so done with bickering politicians.

America – Bobby McFerrin redux. “Here’s a little song I wrote, you might want to sing it note for note …” You know the rest.

Vladimir Putin – A copy of “Mending Wall” by Robert Frost. It may help the Russian PM locate his soul.

Nouriel Roubini – A new title. Dr. Doom is overdone. Something that includes the words “economic adviser” and “to the president” seems a better fit for an economist who’s proven to be one of the world’s most prescient.

Gerald Celente – Coal. The dude’s giddy about gloom. Like Roubini, he called the economic collapse; unlike Dr. Doom, Celente has no answers. Yeah, okay, we’re in deep shit. And you called it. Bully for you. Now, stop patting yourself on the back and show you’re really bright by coming up with some ideas of how we can get out of the mess.

Bernie Madoff – A lice-infested mattress. You should never have a good night’s sleep again.

Tiger Woods – A grand slam. You went down, now you’re trying to get back up. The knee’s repaired. It’s a new year. Your country wants to believe it can be great again. You can show it can be done.

MIA – Keys to the big time. Born in Sri Lanka, educated in Britain, this hip-hop powerhouse is poised to become a global star if her next album delivers on its promise.

Stephen Colbert – A better public relations team. We hear you’re not that popular in the Greater Antilles.

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With a Barack Obama victory an apparent given, the analysis of the U.S. presidential election will soon turn to how the 47-year-old junior senator from Illinois managed to become the most improbable leader of the nation. That is, of course, presuming he is victorious on Election Day this Tuesday.

The charge that the media is complicit in Obama’s victory is a fallacy. The truth is nothing has stuck to Obama because he and his campaign team have not let up on their astounding level of organization and diligence.

Down the stretch, there were no major screw-ups. Yes, Joe Biden opened his mouth before thinking carefully about what was going to come out of it and it’s true that Obama should have been less diplomatic and more assertive during his encounter with Joe the Plumber. But compared to the on-air gaffes of Sarah Palin, the “Meet the Press” debacle where John McCain couldn’t remember the name of George Schultz and the failure of Joe to show up for a campaign stop, Obama has looked impeccable.

Several weeks ago, we wrote that the candidate who wins the soundbite war will likely win the election. For all his eloquent speeches, Obama has not had a “free at last” or “ask what you can do for the country” moment. The phrase that defines him, it appears, is still to come. For now, we have the “Yes, we can” mantra, which doesn’t grow old simply because of the rising numbers that continue to utter it. And to prove he is a rock star he has managed to get his sychophants engaged in his speeches as if they were reciting the lyrics to a hit song. He says, “You don’t boo McCain, what do you do?” And they chant, “Vote.” (Who knew politics could be so cool?)

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Henry Paulson, U.S. treasury secretary, talks bailouts and economic woes.

The media are a fickle bunch.

Just a couple of weeks ago, we were consumed by the gaga over Sarah Palin. A week prior to that deluge of news surrounding the Republicans’ pick for vice president, we were inundated with coverage of presidential hopeful Barack Obama at the Democratic National Convention. The price of oil dominated earlier in the summer and the housing collapse in the spring.

It’s been a year where news and potential newsmakers can slip through the lens with ease. When there’s big news, the mainstream media provides saturation coverage. That means TV, print media and talk radio will spotlight one topic because market research has shown viewers and readers are more likely to stay interested if the focus remains on the news of the day.

Producers and editors will exhaust all angles before providing “space” to other subjects. If you’ve ever wondered why the media fixates on a particular topic, now you know. However, if you’re trying to gain attention, you must understand how to get noticed by an industry that can suffer such tunnel vision.

This week, the $700-billion government package that aims to bring calm to the global stock markets will be at the forefront on Monday and Tuesday before giving way to the frenzy of anticipation surrounding Friday’s presidential debate between Obama and John McCain.

If you wanted to get a message out this week, some public relations firms might facetiously tell you good luck. Unfortunately, that’s an approach of surrender and business leaders don’t succeed by giving up.

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Is income redistribution a bad thing?

Americans seem on the verge of finding out. In a carefully crafted speech intended to respond to criticism and what he considers misperceptions, Barack Obama addressed 80,000 of his sychophants at Invesco Field in Denver and outlined a plan for his presidency that promises a commitment to leveling the playing field. In a nation that has witnessed a widening gulf between classes, Obama spoke at the Democratic National Convention of initiating programs that are undoubtedly socialist.

Obama promised to deliver better education by “recruiting an army of teachers” and paying for those determined young Americans who currently can’t afford to pursue college. The Democratic candidate for president also said everyone in the country would have improved health care. He swore during his acceptance speech of the party’s nomination that the nation would be off of oil from the Mideast within 10 years through government funding of alternative-energy development.

To pay for his it, Obama said he would do three things: increase taxes on the richest five percent of the population, siphon loopholes that will curtail corporate profits, and go “line by line” through the federal budget to eliminate excess. Through those measures, Obama says he will account for every dime of his policies.

Common sense says it will take more than that.

Redistributing wealth isn’t a bad thing, if adroitly executed. For more than a decade, economist Jeffrey Sachs has advocated a one-time levy on the richest two percent of Americans that would help solve national and global poverty. Whether Obama will have the opportunity to put his vision to work won’t be known until November 4, when Americans decide between him and Republican candidate John McCain.

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